The next day, Boris called me to his office to unveil the final 22, and he obviously didn’t care much for the wrath of the fans. Both Horvat and Boggy the Elder were excluded, and Boggy the Younger only made a subs position. I looked at the list in disbelief, making a mental note about each player.
GK: Mario Kraguljac (Crackerjack)
An 18 year old local lad with a hell of a lot to learn, and scabby hands.
GK: Dejan Bogunovic (Boggy the Younger)
A 22 year local boy with a promising future in goal.
DR: Zoran Galic (Zorro)
A 28 tear old offering much needed experience at the rear (ooh err matron).
DR: Mirko Babic (Mirkin)
Needs to be a bit more consistent to get regular football.
DL: Milan Stevancevic (Chancer)
A 22 year old defender; slow but strong, will be well fucked if caught up field!
DL: Sasa Antic (Geriatric)
An attacking fullback with a good turn of pace for a 30 year old.
DC: Boban Jozic (Josser)
Earned his place on performance, not stats.
DC: Dejan Serf (Peasant)
A 17 year old who will have to think football, not turnips.
DC: Bogdan Tatic (Big Head)
If he plays as good as he thinks he does, we’ll be laughing!
DC: Jovan Ninkovich (Ninko the Kid)
A 16 year old with a chance to prove he’s not as crap as he looks.
DMC: Branko Markovic (Branko)
The playmaker – we hope!
DMC: Stojan Djukic (Stodge)
A 17 year old with the physical attributes but lacking in skills.
MR: Sava Jankovic (Janker)
Fast and wide 26 year old who couldn’t finish to get a blowjob.
MR: Nenad Lazarevski (Lazarus)
A 17 year old who can only improve (really).
ML: Vladimir Muratovic (The Impaler)
Talented but weak, and with enough aggression to get by.
ML: Zoran Repac (Enigma)
A definite for the axe until he did enough to push out Horvat!
AMC: Ilija Babic (Ilija)
Not an obvious choice, but this 24 year old lets his goals do the talking.
AMC: Borivoje Filipovic (Knobber)
Fast and furious attacker who might turn up a few gems.
ST: Milan Visekruna (The Pig)
He’s shit, shit, shit … then he does something special.
ST: Darko Drinic (Darko)
A hand in everything, and everything in hand!
ST: Nikola Topic (Nikola)
Is she a man or a lady?
ST: Vlada Markovic (The Invisible Man)
He scores, he sets them up; who is he?
I looked once more at the list, and couldn’t believe this was the best of 65 players. It was more like a list of those we should be selling off. Still, Boris was the boss; it was his neck on the block. I took one last look at him, to make sure he wasn’t going to burst out laughing, and then left. I could only imagine the stadium filled with angry voices as Novi Sad fell at the first hurdle. As I wandered toward the main gate I thought I saw Vasa in the shadows, shagging a goat. Nothing seemed strange any more.
NB. As I said before, this is not my own work. It is Vic Flange’s. The original work can be found on TheDugout, right here. TheDugout is dying, so I’m rescuing the story and giving it the attention it deserves.